THUY D N PHAM

Alone in Hamburg

I slept a whole time on the train from Berlin to Hamburg. An empty mind amongst beautiful and immense barely fields of Germany along the railway.

Hamburg’s main station was very crowded. Many people, many stores make you directionless. It was accidental to realize the hostel I booked right across the main station. I like this hostel’s environment very much, just lively and colorful as young travelers coming from different corners of the globe. I don’t know them, they don’t know me. We’re here to see Hamburg a bit on our own way.

The last three days were full of wonders, half real and half unreal.

— 1 week ago

At the airport in Lyon, I am about to take a flight to Berlin. The departure information board has not shown which platform I should take. Waiting!

What comes in my mind? Ah, I am getting very hungry though I already had a bite in the farm. I will be missing the farm, the environment and the family a lot.

I guess this anxiety is making my stomach feel hungry. I can’t explain this status of mind. Calmness and peace are mixed up in a wondering manner. Probably reality is approaching imaginations. I am smiling happily. Let’s fly again.

— 2 weeks ago
25/7/2014
My 3rd day in the farm of my parents’ French friend. 
A little bit cold weather every morning I waked up, but with shinny sunlights. The certain sadness is still here with me. I can feel it, touch it and want to swallow it. But it is still here. Loneliness and missing exist in a positive mindset. I am foraging for his image. His eyes and facial expression hid a thousand of untold feelings, but there was one unique emotion for only me. LOVE.
I am heading on this journey for HOPE and LOVE. I will be able to find the love which is particularly special and complete for myself. My love is waiting for me.

25/7/2014
My 3rd day in the farm of my parents’ French friend. A little bit cold weather every morning I waked up, but with shinny sunlights. The certain sadness is still here with me. I can feel it, touch it and want to swallow it. But it is still here. Loneliness and missing exist in a positive mindset. I am foraging for his image. His eyes and facial expression hid a thousand of untold feelings, but there was one unique emotion for only me. LOVE.
I am heading on this journey for HOPE and LOVE. I will be able to find the love which is particularly special and complete for myself. My love is waiting for me.

— 4 weeks ago

Country road, take me home to the place I belong

— 4 weeks ago

Exploring livings around the lake

— 4 weeks ago

Harvesting green beans in the farm’s garden

— 4 weeks ago

On the farm, they have many cows E-I-E-I-O
1. Massive sunflower fields 🌻
2. Giant zucchini 😮
3. Tomatoes for making soup 🍅
4. Apple trees🍏🍎
5. A birthday 🎉🎁

— 1 month ago
#farm  #france  #organic  #sunflower  #tomatoes  #zucchini  #field 
Morning rain in Grenoble at 7:45am. View from my hotel room’s window. Hotel d’Angleterre Grenoble is the oldest hotel in the town. Guess I am having a small jetlag. I can hear the big clock ticking 8:00am from a nearby church. I miss you though I try to forget you.

Morning rain in Grenoble at 7:45am. View from my hotel room’s window. Hotel d’Angleterre Grenoble is the oldest hotel in the town. Guess I am having a small jetlag. I can hear the big clock ticking 8:00am from a nearby church. I miss you though I try to forget you.

— 1 month ago
#grenoble  #france 
So sleepy and tired at the airport now and waiting for a train. I’ll write later.

So sleepy and tired at the airport now and waiting for a train. I’ll write later.

— 1 month ago
Saigon - Paris

SGN airport (21/7): I brought a sleepy mind coming to the airport. I waked up in the middle of the night, around 2am and stayed until 3am sth. It happened many times recently, I slept on and off between nightmares and heartbreaks. I didn’t remember when I fell asleep again until my mom waked me. It was 5:40am while I set my alarm at 5:45am. Dad gave me a call to say safe journey, but my mind was in somewhere.

Long queues: A mother and a daughter were fighting about something. The daughter was very angry, yelled and argued in tears. She is a teenager, and her mother is still very young. They talked as if they were friends instead. Their both last words: “I got enough of you” and they slapped each other. I was shock seeing the daughter slap back. The boy was keeping silent a whole time when his sister and mother were so mad in words.

The two French guys in the opposite seats look very French, young, stylist, sweet and cute. My heart is stirring. One day my heart will stop hurting, and I will fall in love again. Life sometimes give us signs which lead to a wrong destiny. That’s okay. There is a right destiny for each of us. To love is to let go in harmony. True love will come at unexpected time.

It’s time to fly.

— 1 month ago

… I will be leaving tomorrow’s early morning when the dawn is breaking. But now, already I am so lonesome I could die…

So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you are waiting for me….

— 1 month ago
#leaving on a jet plane  #sophie barker 

But if destiny decided I should look the other way, then the world would never know the greatest story ever told.

— 1 month ago
#greatest story ever told  #oliver james 
MOM AND DAUGHTER

While packing for the trip, I feel a certain sadness. Exactly one month ago, mom picked me up at the airport and I was so happy to tell her right away: “Mom, I am going to visit a good friend in Europe. I am invited.” Mom helped me to meet a load of required documents for the visa application when I told her that I need to prove my sufficient finance. As usual, she is always willing to support what I need. Mom is a simple and caring person.

"Tell me what happened to you?" Mom saw me crying miserably in my room though I tried to hide my tears. Just like a sudden rain, I was unable to stop the falling tears.

"Mom, please don’t tell everyone that I am going to Europe. I am under pressure. I will not go anywhere." I cried and said. Every relative I talked to knew about my trip. "You’d better stay home, find a job, find a husband…blah blah…" I felt no air to talk about it. I was not sure anymore that I still wanted to go.

"Tell me, if you still keep silent and cry so much like this, my heart can’t bear and I would die. Tell me. Is there something wrong with the friend you told me? Did you meet online? You shouldn’t trust online relationships." She sensed something as a mother does. I never told her.

"I don’t know. I don’t have any answer. My friend is a good person." I really didn’t know. But it hurt so much more because I rather dealt with my own problems instead of making mom sad and worried. I couldn’t find any shoulder to lean on and to let go of this life crisis. I felt myself very small and totally releasing in her caring and love. She is my mom.

"You are a crazy girl. Why don’t you choose to live simply?" I want a simple, meaningful and interesting life. Probably I just have a different definition of living simple or a minimal life.

"I am 30sth and still directionless. Take a deep breath. Get up. Stand up."

The storm was gone. I took mom to go shopping and to eat out.

Nothing to be proud of. You can make up many good words to describe yourself. It can be true or not true. I wonder if I am struggling on the road because I haven’t settled until I find what I love. Maybe I can find what I love in Europe?

— 1 month ago
#TalkingHead 

These photos bring tears to my eyes. Words hurt. A sad story. I choose for it an ending, block memories, and move on with my life.

— 1 month ago
A B C song

Saturday’s afternoon, I rode to  Pham Ngu Lao street, the backpackers’ area in Saigon to find a Lonely Planet’s book for my EU trip. It has been a while, probably 1,5 years since the last time I came to this popular place for foreigners/visitors. I was away from my city for few years. My short trips back home could not help to remind me of missing parts in my new and old memories. I almost forget streets in the city, and always find myself get lost when I go somewhere. I feel stuffy in the honking noises of vehicles and the crazy crowds of traffic while I cannot read street names clearly. My memory is lost. Looking at the curious faces of foreigners walking in Saigon streets makes me oddly smile and feel strange. Suddenly I become a stranger within familiarities of my city. My eyes get teary because I feel as if I am complaining about my city where I have always loved and dearly missed. I know there is something missing in my heart that I am trying to find it back. I need to find a balance in my perceptions of different versions of life. Now I have another life after I get back home and I am about to leave home for another trip. Things happen so quickly. Mood changes.

Sometimes he was twisting his tiny body, making his face turn red. My nephew was sleeping very peacefully. I and mom visited him again today. I don’t know whether it is because of a family connection that my heart is so touched whenever I see him. He is changing a bit more day by day in our loves. I miss and love him as much as I want to share the duty to grow him up with his parents. It is not easy to bring up a child, but his existence is a wonderful happiness. Life is different after I become an aunt. It will be different again when I am a lover, a wife and a mother.

Love was aching. Missing. Fire. Tear. Pain. Peace. Hope. Nothing new. Nothing to blame. Nothing to look back. What was said is said. What was done is done. I only regret of losing 2 kg.

Am I ready to wander the world again?

— 1 month ago
#blogging